xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
