Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
