fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
