My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
