everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
whose parrot is this?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize