remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
