you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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