Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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