those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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