i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
