yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
