Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
