She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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