Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
