am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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