I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
