last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
