Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
