Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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