i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
