Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
