im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
