Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
