hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
