some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
