I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
