im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
