We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
