Welp...herpes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
