Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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