At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
