pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
