Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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