in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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