Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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