Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
