We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize