I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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