i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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