Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
