Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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