Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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