i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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