i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
