I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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