my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
