dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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