We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize