im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
