im drinking this country out of the recession.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
