I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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