i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
