I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
