I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
