somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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