I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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