i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i came on her dog
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
