i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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