I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
