why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
