he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
