I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
