it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
