i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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