bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
