the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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