Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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